Call of Idiocracy: Dumbasse's war
by shadowlugia1
Summary: Paradoy
1. VIP

**V.I.P.**

**Very Idiotic Person**

**I don't own this game**

"Sir,do you want good news or bad news?" Gaz asked. "Uhhhhh..."

(10 Minutes later)

"Uhhh..." Price was uncertain. Gaz banged his head against the wall and was crying. "Good news, Gaz." Price finally answered. Gaz looked up happy in a retarded kind of way and began to speak. "The world's in bad shape-" Gaz started but was cut off by Captain Price "Wait, I thought the Earth was round?" Gaz sighed and banged his head on the wall again making a dent. "Ouch" The wall snapped. "Shut up, wall." Gaz shot back. "We got 15,000 nukes and a civil war in the Middle East-" Gaz was cut off again by Price "When you mean civil, as in red vs. blue?" "Never mind" Gaz smashed his head against the wall and breaking it into two. "MY LEGS! YOU SOB" The wall screamed at Gaz and was pissed. "I said shut UP, WALL" Gaz was also pissed at the wall. "We got a new guy and **he's** got the minerals." "Oh hell no." Price was pissed now and everybody gang-bashed the wall for some reason. Everybody looked up to the direction of the screams of the wall. "Poor wall." Some one said.

V.I.P.

Credenhill, UK

Sgt. 'Soap' MacTavish

22nd SAS Regiment

"Goooooooood day." Gaz said in a cherry tone. 'Soap' went up to him and taped his mouth. "Ok, Gaz what do we do now?" 'Soap' asked the taped. Gaz just pointed at the G36C on the table. "What?" 'Soap' looked in the direction of the rifle and picked it up, turning off the safety lock in the process and spraying it all over Gaz but misses him. "You idiot." Gaz mumbled with the tape still on. "What was that?" 'Soap' looked confused. Gaz ripped off the tape and pointed to the rifle range. 'Soap' went there and started going into the range. "Come back here." Gaz said . 'Soap' went back got another tape and slammed it on Gaz's mouth. Gaz just pressed buttons breaking the machine and a few targets popped out scaring 'Soap'. "What the hell, man?" 'Soap' was now pissed and went to the broken wall on the floor. He fired the G36C at the wall and afterwards, began to punch and kick at it. Somehow the wall managed to respond and gave 'Soap' the finger. "That's it" He broke into the armory and used the minigun at the wall. "DIE!" He yelled taking his anger on it. Gaz ripped off the tape "'Soap'! Get your ass over here!" 'Soap' threw the minigun at the wall and picked up the USP.45 "Switch to your rifle then switch to your pistol." 'Soap did the two. "Now, target practice the wall." "Oh shit!" The wall began to run around the training camp with 'Soap' in tow. "Idiot." Gaz chuckled and went to Hanger 1. 'Soap' chased the wall and pinned it to the ground. "Please. Don't shoot me." The wall said. "Just die." 'Soap' shot the wall in the supposed head. He walked to Hanger 1 and did not know that he would face with a tougher soldier. "Go easy on him sir." Gaz said. "Heeeeeeey Gaz!" 'Soap' was in a good mood but Gaz taped his mouth making 'Soap' pissed agian and taking it out on the television. The others sweat dropped as 'Soap' started cutting the television into little pieces. "'SOAP'!" Price bellowed making 'Soap' hide behind the broken tele. "Climb up the ladder and grab what you need." 'Soap' climbed up and got the MP5 and two flashbangs. "On my go storm to position 1 then to number two then to number 6 and finish by drop-kicking yourself. Gaz holds the record for 10 hours. Cricket silence. "Uhh Price? You mean 19 seconds? Sir?" Gaz whispered. 'Soap' fell down laughing and the rest snickered. "Oh. Right, Gaz holds the record for 19 hours." Price chipped in the laughter and went to the tele to watch some Top Gear. "This is some cool bugger. I gotta get one of those." Price muttered and the rest crowded around him. "Piss off ya lil' buggers." Price was annoyed at personal space and tried to get far away. "On my go." 'Soap' readied himself and slid down the rope before Price said go. 'Soap' was halfway down when Price screamed at him and made him loose his balance. Falling down and Gaz was screwing around with the buttons again making it go haywire. "Damn it man you scared me!" 'Soap' said and tore down the whole exercise field while shooting all the targets before drop-kicking himself on to the circle. "Bullseye!" 'Soap' said and went to play with the switches. "Right... we are going in to a ship but since 'SOAP' here tore down the course, we are now going into the ship." On. Off. On. Off. "'SOAP'! Stop playing with the switches." Price bellowed but this time 'Soap' just walked out and took all his anger on the wall again. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you? I'm a human!" The wall shouted. 'Soap' jusmped up and ran away. "Zombie!"


	2. Crew Unexpectable

**Crew Unexpectable**

**Don't own CoD**

" Let's get down to business gentlemen..." Price dozed off. "Uhh sir?" Gaz wondered if Price was asleep. "This is from our Russian dude who we don't know... he calls himself 'Like a Boss' ... he sucks." Price sleep talked. "The package... tiny boat... Number=I am 'Soap' "Sir." Gaz shouted waking the senior. "Senor El Price... we are ninja right?" 'Soap' talked half Spanish. "WE... No Ninja... WE Ninja warrior." Gaz talked Asian. "I'll go ninja on you." 'Soap' made some ninja noises and made the gunner knock him out. "Why did we get this guy." Gaz asked. "Your face made us get this guy." Price shot back and began the Yo Mamma jokes while the rest rolled their eyes and saw "Soap' slept like a baby sucking his thumb.

"Crew Unexpectable"

Day 1 at night...

Bering Strait

'Soap'

22nd SAS regiment.

Price woke up and began smoking a cigar but placed another cigar in his mouth. He finished all his cigars and had 100 in his mouth. "Heavy smoker." Wallcroft said. "I heard that." Price snapped. "Baseplate, this is douche bag 114 we are crash landing." The helicopter crash landed on the deck and everybody jumped out firing their weapons in the air shouting that they were alive. About 30 guns cocked and they stopped screaming but 'Soap' was sleep talking like Price. "Momma... mesa hungwy." Everybody burst out into laughter and started making fun of 'Soap'. Too bad he woke up and saw Russians with British troops around him and talking. "YOU BASTARDS!" 'Soap' started dancing and fired his MP5 at the Russians. Everyone sweat dropped again and started to become serious. "What?" 'Soap' was scared. Price still had his 100 cigars in his mouth but spitted them all out at once. "Ooh... cigar." A Russian smoked it once before going back to the dead world. "'Soap'... move on." Price said. the crew moved but 'Soap' tripped on a wire and fell on his bum crying. Price went up to him and gave him a bitchslap "Wake up you bugger... real men don't cry." Price soothe 'Soap' and threw him into the sea. Everybody started dancing and also fell into the sea. 'Soap' spawned alone with the others. "Woo! We're back." Mac opened the door and went through it. Everybody stayed behind. "Wallcroft, Griffen, watch our six." Price gave the order and went in. "Wait. Don't you mean by what's the time?" Griffen wondered. "He told us to watch his back."

"Then why are we not following him and watching his back?"

"I don't know."

"Then lets go."

"Sounds fair."

Price turned around and saw Wallcroft and Griffen stalking him. "Why the hell aren't you two outside and watching for Russians?" Price said annoyed. "Oh. Okay!" Griffen went out and watched for Russians while Rick-Rolling. "Wallcroft. You too." "Ngawww." Wallcroft went out and began Rick-Rolling as well. The rest went further and secured the second half of the deck. Four crew members fired on them. "'Soap'! Get the moneygun and kill those guys!" Gaz said before getting taped to his mouth. "How?" 'Soap' asked. "Whack them." Griffen was still Rick-Rolling and giving out suggestions. "Oh, Okay." 'Soap' ran up towards the group and threw the minigun like a javelin at one crew member. "Woah! SHIT! " One of them exclaimed before using the moneygun against them. They ran out of cover and started dodging gold coins that almost shot their feet. "Dance little boy dance." Another mocked them. Price threw an AK-47 at the moneygun crew member and knocking him out before he went on a killing spree. The rest entered the ship's storage hold and the Russians had a party going on down there and drank nuclear material out of the missile. "Hey ya' bastards. Come and face the SAS." One of them mocked. The Russians turned around and fired their guns with excellent efficiency. But the bullets all missed the group causing an outline. "Its my turn." 'Soap' rampaged through the party and made the Russians fall back to the second room. Price tossed a flashbang and seemingly killed a patriot right by the corner. "GO!" Price said and went to jump off a ledge and killing himself in the process. "Scout RUSH!" 'Soap' yelled and the rest followed him while Wallcroft and Griffen were Rick-Rolling upstairs. 'Soap' jumped down the catwalk and didn't die. Price spawned right behind him and smacked him on the head. "I'm getting a strong reading from this thingy." Gaz said and messed around with the buttons causing 'Soap' to be registered as the radioactive material. "Uhh. 'Soap'? You're radioactive?" Gaz asked. "'Soap' give us the missile." Price demanded. "What? How could I have the missile? Did I swallow it?" 'Soap' asked. "Gaz gimme that damn thing." Price smashed the gadget and fixed it right. "Nek Minit... it was the container." Gaz joked. A sticky grenade came out of nowhere and stuck to Gaz. "Oh shit! Semtex!" Mac yelled. "Wait a minute! Semtex wasn't in CoD 4" "I just did" A voice came out of nowhere. "Gaz open the door." Gaz opened the container and went inside it. "Excuse me." Gaz said and closed the door while making ninja noises inside. 'Soap' kicked opened the door and saw Gaz doing a karate chop on the cloth. "What the hell?" Price said. The container had a nuclear missile and a banner that said 'Whoever finds return to this retard here- Al-Assad. The picture showed Al-Assad with another dude who looked like 'Like a Boss' doing a game of playing building blocks. A neon light that says 'This is mine.' "'Soap'. Get the manifest and get put of here." Price ordered. "Why can't you do it yourself." 'Soap' retorted. "What you call me?" Price enraged. "Never mind." 'Soap' grabbed the manifest and ran into the next room. He slipped again and fell down almost unconscious. Price grabbed the manifest and helped 'Soap' to his feet. "Uhh... Price? I've broke my leg." Price got pissed and piggy-backed him to the catwalks before ditching him there and leaving 'Soap' to run out of the ship. Price then played tosses and tossed the manifest to 'Soap' before 'Soap' tossed it backed to him. 'Soap' jumped onto the helicopter after Wallcroft and Griffen started Rick-Rolling again. Price helped him to sit down on the floor of the helicopter. He flet something missing and asked 'Soap'. "Where is the manifest?" "I left it back on the ship while we were playing tosses. Seeing that you didn't want to play anymore, I just left it there." The whole team gang-bashed 'Soap' and the wall who was part of the extraction team. "Why me?" The wall said. "'Cause you annoy the hell outta' us!" Griffen also punched the wall and made a hole in the helicopter's floor. "Oh shit." Griffen said and was now gang-bashed by the crew and a pilot.


End file.
